snowy morning
Originally uploaded by matt_leclair.
Originally uploaded by matt_leclair.
When: Thursday, Jan 13, 9 am to 12:30 pm
Who: just me
Coffee: Maine Roaster's French Roast
Mood: existential
Route 9 is a giant muddy slush puddle from last night's snowstorm. I have to wash my windows continually. Even with the windows clean it didn't make a whole lot of difference because the fog didn't let me see much further than 50 feet ahead. If I'd had any idea how bad the driving was going to be I would have stayed home.
No Green Mountain Coffee at the Citgo today. I took my coffee with me from home. Still can't taste it right, though. Maybe it was a combination of having a cold and the bad driving conditions, and really having nothing to do but sit and think for hours on end, but I started thinking about something I usually don't think about: getting old. It's this cold. It makes me wonder what it is like to live with a diminished quality of life when you know it is never going to get any better. Right now I am not enjoying life. Even the best coffee tastes bad to me. I have a constant headache, so books, movies, TV and everything else isn't enjoyable. I can't taste and it hurts to swallow, so I have no appetite, so I eat just to sustain my body. Even breathing, these scratchy lungs make me aware of each breath. And this isn't even a bad cold! So what happens when you get really sick, and stay sick? Right now, if I had to live the rest of my life with this cold, I don't know that I'd want to. Is that just because I am so aware of what I'm missing? If I stayed this way, would I redefine what is "enjoyable" within the spectrum of sensation that was available to me? How do people manage it?
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